Building a Thriving Marriage: Expectations and Accountability
If self-love and communication are the roots of a harmonious marriage (and they are), then expectations and accountability are the sturdy trunk that keeps everything upright.
Building a Thriving Marriage: Expectations and Accountability
If self-love and communication are the roots of a harmonious marriage (and they are), then expectations and accountability are the sturdy trunk that keeps everything upright. Together, they help your marriage grow strong, weather storms, and occasionally bear fruit—like shared dreams, deeper trust, and maybe even fewer arguments about who forgot to take the trash out
(again).
Let’s dig into these next two foundational pillars, how they work, and why they’re absolute game-changers when it comes to creating a soulful, intuitive marriage.
Pillar 3: Expectations – The Silent Contracts in Your Marriage
What Are Expectations, Really?
Expectations are the invisible agreements we all bring into relationships. They’re the unspoken “I thought you’d do this” or “Shouldn’t we be on the same page about that?” ideas that float around our heads. And let’s be honest—half the time, we don’t even realize we’re carrying them.
It’s the expectation that your spouse will plan the anniversary dinner or that they’ll instinctively know you’re too tired to cook tonight. It’s the subtle belief that things will unfold a certain way… without ever having said it out loud.
Spoiler alert: Unspoken expectations are the breeding ground for disappointment.
Why Are Expectations So Important?
When left unchecked, unmet expectations lead to resentment, frustration, and, let’s be honest, some pretty passive-aggressive comments. But when you take the time to uncover, understand, and communicate your expectations, they become an opportunity for connection instead of conflict.
It’s like upgrading your relationship operating system from Windows 95 to something sleek and modern. Suddenly, everything runs smoother.
How to Set Realistic Expectations:
1. Get Clear on Your Own Expectations: What do you truly want and need in your marriage? Take a moment to journal or reflect on
what’s most important to you.
o Example: “I need regular quality time together without screens.”
2. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: Your spouse isn’t a mind reader (and no, leaving hints doesn’t count). Be direct and kind.
o Example: “Hey, I’ve been feeling like we’ve both been so busy. Can we set aside an hour every Sunday for just us?”
3. Check for Alignment: Once you’ve communicated your expectations, ask for your partner’s input. Are you on the same page? Adjust as
needed.
o Example: “I know Sundays might not always work. What day feels doable for you?”
4. Stay Flexible: Life happens. Be open to revisiting expectations and tweaking them as your relationship evolves.
Pillar 4: Accountability – The Glue That Holds It All Together
What Does Accountability Mean in Marriage?
Accountability is about owning your part of the partnership—the good, the bad, and the “oops, I really messed up there.” It’s not about pointing fingers or keeping score (though it’s tempting, isn’t it?). Instead, it’s about showing up, taking responsibility, and committing to growth.
Think of accountability as the loving check-in system for your marriage. It’s what helps you stay true to the promises you’ve made to each other—both the spoken ones (I’ll be better about listening) and the silent ones (I’ll always have your back).
Why Accountability Matters:
Without accountability, even the best intentions can fall flat. It’s what bridges the gap between talking about change and actually making it happen. Plus, when both partners hold themselves accountable, it fosters trust, respect, and a sense of teamwork. And who doesn’t want to feel like they’re on the same team?
How to Embrace Accountability in Your Marriage:
1. Start with Yourself: Before asking your partner to step up, look inward. Are you living up to your commitments and expectations?
o Example: “I promised to stop scrolling through my phone during dinner. Time to put it down.”
2. Create a Safe Space for Feedback: Accountability thrives in an environment of kindness and mutual respect. Make it safe for both of
you to share concerns without fear of blame or judgment.
o Example: “Hey, can we check in? I’ve noticed we’ve been missing our Sunday chats. How can we get back on track?”
3. Celebrate Wins Together: Accountability isn’t just about fixing problems; it’s also about recognizing growth. Celebrate the small
victories.
o Example: “We’ve had two uninterrupted dinners this week. Look at us crushing it”
4. Stay Open to Change: Accountability isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s an ongoing process that requires adaptability and effort from
both sides.
How Expectations and Accountability Work Together
Here’s where the magic happens. Expectations and accountability aren’t just standalone pillars; they’re deeply intertwined. Clear expectations set the stage for what you both want and need in your marriage, while accountability ensures you follow through.
Imagine this: You and your spouse agree to spend more quality time together (expectation). A few weeks go by, and you realize it’s not happening. Instead of letting frustration build, you have an honest conversation about what’s getting in the way (accountability). Together, you tweak your plan and make it work.
It’s a cycle of growth, communication, and recommitment that strengthens your bond over time.
Real-Life Example: Expectations and Accountability in Action
Let’s say one partner expects more help with household chores. Instead of silently stewing every
time the dishes pile up, they bring it up:
• “Hey, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with housework. Can we create a plan to share the load?” (Expectation)
The other partner agrees to take on dish duty but forgets a couple of nights in a row. Instead of jumping straight to frustration, the first partner lovingly checks in:
• ” noticed the dishes were left again last night. I know we’re both busy. How can we make this easier to stick to?” (Accountability)
By addressing the situation with empathy and a focus on solutions, they work together to create a better system—maybe even one that includes a dishwasher loading dance party. Why not make it fun?
Humor Break: Marriage Expectations vs. Reality
Expectation: We’ll always agree on everything because we’re soulmates. Reality: “Why on earth would you fold towels like that?”
Expectation: They’ll know exactly what I need without me having to say a word. Reality: “Wait…you wanted me to bring you coffee? I thought you said tea!”
Expectation: Marriage is effortless when it’s true love. Reality: “Effortless? Babe, this week we had three ‘meetings’ about who’s buying the groceries.”
Final Thoughts: Building Your Marriage, One Pillar at a Time
When you combine self-love and communication with clear expectations and accountability, you’re laying the foundation for a marriage that feels both solid and soulful. Each pillar builds on the last, creating a structure that supports growth, intimacy, and yes, even a little fun.
Remember, no marriage is perfect. But when you commit to showing up for yourself and your partner with love, honesty, and a willingness to grow, you’re already miles ahead. So, take a deep breath, set those expectations, and hold yourself accountable. You’ve got this—and your marriage will thank you for it.
Ready to dive deeper into these pillars and create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of? Explore more on the Soul Spott Intuitive blog or tune into The Intuitive Marriage Podcast.
