Self-Love and Communication
Marriage is often compared to a house: sturdy walls, a cozy interior, and the occasional squeaky floorboard. But let’s be honest—no matter how charming the paint job, a house will crumble without a solid foundation. In my 12-week program, Worthy of Love: An Intuitive Marriage Journey, we begin by building two of the most critical pillars: Self-Love and Communication.
The Foundations of an Intuitive Marriage: Self-Love and Communication
These are not just “nice-to-haves.” They are essential to creating a harmonious and intuitive marriage. Without them, your relationship is like trying to bake a cake without flour—it might look okay on the surface, but one slice in, you’ll know something’s missing. Let’s dive deep into these two foundational elements and explore how they set the stage for a marriage built on trust, joy, and soulful connection.
Foundation 1: Self-Love – The Art of Loving You Before Loving Them
If I had a nickel for every time someone said, “I just wish my partner would make me feel loved,” I’d be writing this from a beachfront villa. Here’s the hard truth: Your partner cannot fill the gaps in your self-worth. That’s a job only you can do. Self-love is the foundation upon which every great relationship is built. Without it, you risk losing yourself in the process of trying to hold the relationship together.
What Is Self-Love?
Self-love is not just bubble baths and affirmations (although those are lovely). It’s about knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and showing up as your authentic self. It’s treating yourself the way you’d want your best friend to be treated—kindly, respectfully, and with compassion.
In a marriage, self-love ensures you can give without feeling depleted, receive without guilt, and communicate your needs without fear. When you love yourself, you create the space for a more balanced, fulfilling partnership.
Why Self-Love Matters in Marriage
Think of self-love as the foundation beams holding up your half of the marriage. If those beams are shaky—cracked by self-doubt or weakened by old wounds—then the whole relationship can start to feel unstable. Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
When you nurture self-love, you:
• Show up authentically: You stop hiding behind perfectionism or people-pleasing and embrace who you truly are.
• Set healthy boundaries: You know when to say yes and, more importantly, when to say no.
• Attract mutual respect: When you treat yourself as valuable, your partner is more likely to do the same.
How to Cultivate Self-Love in Marriage
1. Date Yourself: This might sound cheesy, but it works. Take yourself out for coffee, watch your favorite show, or pursue a hobby that lights you up. When you learn to enjoy your own company, you stop relying on your partner to entertain or validate you.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Mistakes are inevitable in life and marriage. Instead of berating yourself for not being perfect, treat
yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
3. Celebrate Your Wins: Whether it’s getting through a tough day or making a tiny step toward a goal, recognize your progress.
Progress builds confidence, and confidence is a cornerstone of self-love.
A Little Humor
Let me put it this way: Imagine you’re on a flight, and the oxygen masks drop. The instructions are clear—secure your own mask first before helping anyone else. Why? Because you’re no good to anyone if you’re passed out. Self-love works the same way. Love yourself first so you can show up fully for your partner.
Foundation 2: Communication – The Bridge Between Two Souls
Once you’ve laid the beams of self-love, it’s time to build the bridge: Communication. This is the area where most couples stumble. Let’s face it—talking is easy, but communicating? That’s an art form. And if you can’t master it, even the deepest love can start to feel like a game of
emotional charades.
What Is Communication in Marriage?
Communication isn’t just about words. It’s about connection. It’s about listening with the intent to understand, not just to respond. It’s about creating a space where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued. Good communication is like the wiring in a house. You don’t notice it when it’s working, but when it’s faulty, sparks fly—and not the good kind.
Why Communication Matters in Marriage
When communication breaks down, assumptions, misunderstandings, and resentments take over. On the flip side, when communication flows, it strengthens trust, deepens intimacy, and helps you navigate challenges as a team.
Good communication:
• Resolves conflicts faster: Arguments don’t have to last longer than a Marvel movie.
• Strengthens emotional intimacy: Sharing openly builds trust and connection.
• Keeps you aligned: Instead of drifting apart, you grow together.
How to Communicate Like a Pro
1. Listen with Love: This means giving your full attention when your partner speaks. No multitasking, no interrupting—just listening. It
might take practice, but the rewards are worth it.
2. Use “I” Statements: Replace “You always do this!” with “I feel hurt when this happens.” It shifts the focus from blame to understanding.
3. Take a Break if Needed: If an argument is escalating, it’s okay to pause. Step away, breathe, and come back when you’re calmer. Remember,
nothing good comes from trying to “win” an argument.
A Little Humor
Have you ever played the game Telephone? You start with “I love pizza,” and by the end, it’s “Your llama eats peanuts.” Communication in marriage can feel like that sometimes. The key? Be clear, be patient, and double-check before you assume your partner is talking about llamas.
How These Foundations Work Together
Self-love and communication are like peanut butter and jelly—great on their own, but magical together. When you love yourself, you’re less likely to take things personally, which makes communication easier. And when you communicate well, it reinforces your self-worth by making you feel understood and valued.
Imagine this: You’re feeling overwhelmed. Instead of stewing in resentment, you practice self- love by acknowledging your need for a break. Then, you communicate this to your partner: “I’m feeling burnt out and need some time to recharge.” Now, instead of a fight, you’ve created understanding and space for both of you to thrive.
Final Thoughts
Mastering self-love and communication isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about progress. It’s about showing up every day with the intention to nurture yourself and connect with your partner.
These two foundations are your launchpad to a marriage that feels intuitive, soulful, and joyful. In the next blog in this series, we’ll explore Expectations and Accountability—two pillars that can make or break a marriage. (Spoiler: We’ll be talking about how to ditch the blame game and set realistic expectations!)
A Soulful Challenge for You
• What’s one thing you can do today to nurture self-love?
• What’s one conversation you’ve been avoiding that could deepen your connection if approached with kindness?
Share your thoughts with me at Soul Spott Intuitive—I’d love to hear your journey!
